two things.

one. youtube is both awesome and terrifying. the wealth of videos out there is literally overwhelming, and this girl is not easily overwhelmed. (well, that's exceptionally false. i get super overwhelmed in all sorts of mundane situations like finding a parking spot in an open lot or deciding which out of three beers to buy). zANYWAYS, the point is, youtube is a fount of knowledge. it's like wikipedia on crack. and there are some GREAT gems on there. like the baby who dies of laughter at ripping paper. and all the episodes of hey, arnold! some genius uploaded. but, i've had two slightly terrifying incidents recently on the ol' youtubes that have kind of shaken my faith in the 'instant information' service it provides. scenario 1: i'm trying to find a specific clip from an episode of 'friends' (the one with chandler in a box, naturally), and in the related video it has 'paget brewster on friends, pt 1'. of course, you may or may not know that i am weirdly in love with paget brewster (PLATONIC! i feel like i always sound super lesbionic (robot lesbian?) on this blog, which is fine except i'm straight, i just can't get a boyfriend (probably because i have unrealistic expectations that i'm going to woo and marry matthew gray gubler or john francis daley -- do i have a three-named nerd thing??) OKAY BUT the point is, i click my way through a few paget brewster interviews because bitch is funny as shit, but then some weeeeird things start popping up. like, fan videos of her characters. and other characters. love videos with titles like 'emily prentiss + aaron hotchner 4 EVA TRUE LOVE'. shit's whack. videos about two fictional characters and all the supposed moments they've shared together set to a lovely Nickelback (sense the sarcasm) song. um, okay. listen, i'm all about getting way too invested in fictional characters and their romances, but like -- this is kind of weird. it's toooo much. someone spent a looot of time finding and editing scenes of two particular characters, arranged them in a way so it looks like they're lovahs, and then found the perfect emo song that accurately encapsulates the heartache of love. i mean, don't you have something better to be doing?! god knows i don't, but i always assumed everyone else did. don't destroy the illusion, dAnCiNg_QuEeN11. Cool user name, too. moving on to scenario 2: so fresh off of that slightly unsettling find, i then was attempting to find a parody of 'my sweet sixteen' that my friend patrick made years ago. i typed in 'madeline's birthday sweet sixteen'. no dice on what i was looking for, but a LOT of birth-videos popped up, and i was like oh nope! not what i want. but then, my head must have temporarily absconded from my body because i have NO explanation whatsoever for what happened next. i clicked on one. AND I AM TRAUMATIZED. SHIT son i never want to give birth EVER. i don't know why i did this to myself. i've actually been at a few births, but always up towards the front and rarely by the masticated girl parts that i was privy to in this situation. MAN that is not a pretty sight. i know it's beautiful and natural and all that other shit, but it is assuredly neither of those two things. it should NOT be natural for a baby head to fit through...there. i mean, a baby head is still a head. it's still not as small as you'd want for something passing through your body. geez LOUISE i am scarred. so, keeping these incidents in mind, i now live life with a healthy dose of wariness when on youtube. understandably, i think. obviously i can't avoid the website -- sometimes a girl just wants to watch the end scene of 'he's just not that into you' where justin long tells ginnifer goodwin that "she's his exception". or watch the scene in 30 Rock where Tracy and Jenna switch genders and races and Tracy Jordan has a monster claw on because they ran out of white make-up because he insisted they paint his buttocks. COME ON! you can't make me give that up. so the message, kids, is be careful out there -- you never know what might hit you. it could be a lighthearted video about a kid after the dentist, it might be tHe StOrY of LoVe from One Tree Hill (bad example, because I'd watch that, but you get my point).


Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Oh, sweet hay-zeus this woman is an idiot. the internets have been telling me that she thinks the rise in later-in-life lesbians is because men go for younger girls, leaving old women alone and seeking companionship. so obviously the immediate response of the middle-aged single woman is not to a. get a cat, b. get many cats, but in fact is c. get pussy. um, FALSE hasselbeck. as joy behar correctly pointed out, being gay isn't just hand-holding through the daffodils and fun trips to the farmer's market. it's like, having sex and being attracted to someone of the same gender. i strongly doubt that a significant portion of single older women just decide one day that going down on another woman more than once and outside of a drunken college night is a fair trade for some companionship. also, i feel as though her claim is not only wrong, it's also dually offensive to both actual late-in-life lesbians, who struggled with their sexuality for a while before eventually coming out. it's also offensive to older single women who aren't gay and just want some friends. also, is it really a NEW fad that older men go for younger women? younger women have always had perkier boobs and more time for frivolous sex. so not sure we can attribute the spike in late in life lezzies to some newfangled notion that men like a woman with a tight bod. maybe, just maaaybe, elisabeth hasselbeck, it's because, despite your best efforts to stifle the gay community, some women are realizing they've been socially repressed and are now fighting back as the gay community is (rightly) becoming more accepted by the rest of this dumb country. so, elisabeth. just.shut.up. because your opinions suck. and that just be my opinion, but it's also verifiable.