a biography of sorts...

my dear friend Meg over at 2birds1blog.com (highly encourage you to visit; she's funny as shit and though we've never met i know we'd be besties) recently wrote a post about online dating and the little 'bios' they encourage you to fill out so that they can match you with your Soul Mate (capital S, capital M). Like, do you put your real interests down? If so, are you doomed to be single? Judging by the list of interests I've come up with, I am in fact doomed to remain single forEVER because it appears as though I'm not a real human. So, in the spirit of total honesty and complete copying of the lovely Meg, my very real (and very absurd) list of interests that will garner me a life of solitude.

- stalking celebrities for hours on end via twitter and growing waaay too excited when i realize that some of my favorites are friends in real life
- sharpies
- hand-washing dishes
- dressing my imaginary children on crewcuts.com
- simultaneously spewing hate at Twilight while memorializing true blood in the most reverent way possible, a drinking game (drink every time bill swoops in and says in his deep breathy voice, "soookay!"
- relating every event that happens to me or anyone i know in real life to an episode of a television show
- any and all cheese product (or, full disclosure: cheese flavored product)
- harry potter. like, more than any other person on earth
- fictional epic love stories (ross & rachel, mr. darcy & elizabeth)
- north east portland
- the constitution
- planning ways to move to london, stalk either/both ron weasley and prince harry, and convince either/both to marry me
- watching the sound of music and reciting every single line of the entire movie
- pool talk.
- trivia nights and miller high life
- miller high life
- skeletons and bones. also, the show Bones for the extreme unresolved sexual tension and david boreanaz
- planning outfits that revolve around the color green
- getting high and consuming 2 $5 footlongs at once
- binge drinking
- anything that ever airs on TLC, with particular attention paid to Toddlers and Tiaras and I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant
- talking intelligently about things like mastitis and nap schedules with actual moms (which i am not) who have actual children (which, praise jesus, i do not)
- spencer reid of criminal minds/matthew gray gubler of the human population AKA FUTURE HUSBAND
- cat stevens
- classic TGIF programming, in the veins of Boy Meets World and Step by Step
- guacamole, on everything
- the duggars
- puns
- reading aloud to myself with voices in my hammock
- babies
- reveling in the intracacies of one tree hill plot lines
- hating the lakers with every fiber of my being
- watching and commentator-ing professional gymnastics
- the art of tailgating
- baking delicious things but only sharing them with myself
- amelia earhart and theories on her disappearance
- waiting for my letter from Hogwarts
- diagnosing myself with various terminal illnesses with the help of webmd
- subsequently planning my funeral menu
- rage-dancing around my room to My Life Would Suck Without You
- Sandra Bullock, Busy Philipps, Paget Brewster, Sophia Bush, and Tina Fey
- watching Bridget Jones' Diary over and over to get my ideal British accent just right
- Wii bowling
- making playlists with titles such as "probably heard on the WB" and "i wanna dance with someBODY, wanna feel the heat..."
- building forts out of blankets and couch cushions
- corrupting the youth of america and teaching my 8 year old neighbors how to play root beer pong
- consuming exorbitant amounts of otter pops in a single sitting
- futbol
- dreaming about my future book store/bakery which shall henceforth known as .noveltea.
- ...looking at wedding dresses online
- imdb trivia'ing every single movie or television show i watch
- painting my toenails black no matter the season
- incorporating animal print into my wardrobe with excess
- the confederacy
- recreating 90s high-school party movies
- making lists.