a few things...

1. twitter. i've been against it for so long, i know. mainly because i'm pretty anti-constant 140 character mundane life updates. like how i block the people on facebook who do this:

5:17pm: going out to dinner with my boyf! where should we goooo?! :) :) :)
5:59pm: decided on chez jose's! margaritas here i comeeeee!
7:30pm: takin the dogs for a walk then snugglin with my cutie ;)
9:00pm: omg iron man is sooooo good!! robert downey jr, yummmyyyy :)
10:45pm: off to bed, class and work tomorrow boooo :( :(

...not an exaggeration. remember when facebook was exclusively for college students? sigh, i do. to the late, great facebook -- i salute you. Zanyways, I've gone off course. my real point is that, despite the enormous self-loathing it generated, I created a twitter account. I hemmed and hawed and spent like four days figuring out what "tweets" and RTs and all this other mumbo jumbo means. i hated it. i seriously contemplated giving up, and let me assure you -- i am quitter. But then, I discovered the best most epic most score-massive-points-with-grace thing: twitter allows one to stalk with ease and precision various celebrities, pretend you're real friends, and engage in even more realistic fantasies. It's a celebrity-obsessed person (HELLO! have you ever met me?!)'s wet dream. Khloe Kardashian and I watched the second season premiere of Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami together. Chelsea Handler went to the beach on vacation, and I went with her. Will Arnett and Jason Bateman made a spoof-commercial, and I was on set! Essentially, twitter is the most legal form of stalking and I am ALL.FOR.IT. Which brings me to my second point...

2. I'm really, absolutely, 100% seriously know that if I met Matthew Gray Gubler in real life, we would immediately be pulled together by cosmic forces, look into each other's eyes, see the future, know we were soul mates, and live happily ever after in a house filled with weird art and adorable gangle-children. I'm certain of it -- there's simply no other alternative. hence, i have a new mission: meet MGG himself so that the aforementioned steps can happen ASAP. now i know what you're thinking: 1. he's too old for you! WRONG! 8 years, schmate years. 2. he's too far away from you! Okay, true...for now. But I am seriously considering moving to LA next May. How hard is a long distance relationship for 10 months?! I mean, really hard, but I'd be dedicated. 3. but he's too famous for you! HA! No one's too famous for me. I'm currently in the first phase of my meet-and-wed plan wherein I stalk his every action on twitter and then piece together a profile. Please don't call the authorities on me. Unless I start talking about cutting off pieces of my hair to send; then you have my full permission to report me.

3. i was invited to my first peer wedding. as in, the bride and groom were in my high school class. so we're all the same age. so, they are 22. TWENTY TWO. and getting married. it's okay if you vomit upon reading that, because i sure did when i received the invitation in the mail. to be fair, they've been together since the 8th grade, but to be cynical (much more in my nature), they've been together since the 8th grade. also, it both terrifies and disgusts me that people my age are getting married as if it's no big thing. let me tell you all a little something -- IT IS A VERY BIG THING. i don't know if i said this yet, but we're TWENTY TWO! shit, i still think i'm seventeen most days. the problem i have with twenty two year olds getting married is that it sets a weird precedent that it's okay and socially acceptable for someone like ME to be getting married now. FALSE, society! i still only do my laundry when i'm down to lacy thongs and granny panties. i still have to scrounge around my couch cushions to come up with the $55 for Plan B (by the way -- this should be another outrage. Plan B is 55 fucking dollars! helloooo if you really want to be effective and prevent pregnancies, you might want to consider your clientele and lower the price a little! (ps i can say that because i am the clientele)). zANYWAYS, my point is -- I'm a child. And I like it that way! I'm not ready for marriage and children for more than an afternoon and boring married sex and picket fences. I don't want that shit! I want as few responsibilities as possible! I want to drink myself to blackout whenever I see fit! So, sorry bout it Jewell and Aaron, but you're about to lose all those privileges. Have fun with your his and hers towel sets.

4. This will be short, otherwise I could very easily rant into oblivion about this topic and how it signals the complete downfall of any sort of a productive and intelligent society. I HATE TWILGIHT. I am so sick of hearing about fucking eclipse. i was sick of it before what I refer to as "The Incident" happened, but since then I am livid, outraged, and thoroughly repulsed. Of, course "The Incident" of which I speak is when Minnesota Senator Amy Klobuchar asked Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan of her Jacob vs. Edward preference. I'M SORRY, SENATOR (a title you should now surely be stripped of!) DID YOU SERIOUSLY ASK ONE OF THE GREATEST LEGAL MINDS OF OUR COUNTRY, DURING HER CONFIRMATION HEARINGS, ABOUT WORTHLESS, WEIRDLY RELIGIOUS FOR A STORY ABOUT VAMPIRES, ANTI-FEMINIST, DRIVEL?! I would have been less insulted had you asked her straight out if she was gay. Given her response, I think she would have too. SHAME ON YOU, AMY KLOBUCHAR. SHAME ON YOU, STEPHANIE WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS! AND SHAME ON THE WORLD FOR THINKING TWILIGHT IS ANYTHING OTHER THAN UTTERLY ABHORRENT WRITING.

...heh, guess i couldn't keep it short. but let me assure you, i could have gone a looooot further in my critique and anger. did i mention i hate twilight?!