two things.
one. youtube is both awesome and terrifying. the wealth of videos out there is literally overwhelming, and this girl is not easily overwhelmed. (well, that's exceptionally false. i get super overwhelmed in all sorts of mundane situations like finding a parking spot in an open lot or deciding which out of three beers to buy). zANYWAYS, the point is, youtube is a fount of knowledge. it's like wikipedia on crack. and there are some GREAT gems on there. like the baby who dies of laughter at ripping paper. and all the episodes of hey, arnold! some genius uploaded. but, i've had two slightly terrifying incidents recently on the ol' youtubes that have kind of shaken my faith in the 'instant information' service it provides. scenario 1: i'm trying to find a specific clip from an episode of 'friends' (the one with chandler in a box, naturally), and in the related video it has 'paget brewster on friends, pt 1'. of course, you may or may not know that i am weirdly in love with paget brewster (PLATONIC! i feel like i always sound super lesbionic (robot lesbian?) on this blog, which is fine except i'm straight, i just can't get a boyfriend (probably because i have unrealistic expectations that i'm going to woo and marry matthew gray gubler or john francis daley -- do i have a three-named nerd thing??) OKAY BUT the point is, i click my way through a few paget brewster interviews because bitch is funny as shit, but then some weeeeird things start popping up. like, fan videos of her characters. and other characters. love videos with titles like 'emily prentiss + aaron hotchner 4 EVA TRUE LOVE'. shit's whack. videos about two fictional characters and all the supposed moments they've shared together set to a lovely Nickelback (sense the sarcasm) song. um, okay. listen, i'm all about getting way too invested in fictional characters and their romances, but like -- this is kind of weird. it's toooo much. someone spent a looot of time finding and editing scenes of two particular characters, arranged them in a way so it looks like they're lovahs, and then found the perfect emo song that accurately encapsulates the heartache of love. i mean, don't you have something better to be doing?! god knows i don't, but i always assumed everyone else did. don't destroy the illusion, dAnCiNg_QuEeN11. Cool user name, too. moving on to scenario 2: so fresh off of that slightly unsettling find, i then was attempting to find a parody of 'my sweet sixteen' that my friend patrick made years ago. i typed in 'madeline's birthday sweet sixteen'. no dice on what i was looking for, but a LOT of birth-videos popped up, and i was like oh nope! not what i want. but then, my head must have temporarily absconded from my body because i have NO explanation whatsoever for what happened next. i clicked on one. AND I AM TRAUMATIZED. SHIT son i never want to give birth EVER. i don't know why i did this to myself. i've actually been at a few births, but always up towards the front and rarely by the masticated girl parts that i was privy to in this situation. MAN that is not a pretty sight. i know it's beautiful and natural and all that other shit, but it is assuredly neither of those two things. it should NOT be natural for a baby head to fit through...there. i mean, a baby head is still a head. it's still not as small as you'd want for something passing through your body. geez LOUISE i am scarred. so, keeping these incidents in mind, i now live life with a healthy dose of wariness when on youtube. understandably, i think. obviously i can't avoid the website -- sometimes a girl just wants to watch the end scene of 'he's just not that into you' where justin long tells ginnifer goodwin that "she's his exception". or watch the scene in 30 Rock where Tracy and Jenna switch genders and races and Tracy Jordan has a monster claw on because they ran out of white make-up because he insisted they paint his buttocks. COME ON! you can't make me give that up. so the message, kids, is be careful out there -- you never know what might hit you. it could be a lighthearted video about a kid after the dentist, it might be tHe StOrY of LoVe from One Tree Hill (bad example, because I'd watch that, but you get my point).
Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Oh, sweet hay-zeus this woman is an idiot. the internets have been telling me that she thinks the rise in later-in-life lesbians is because men go for younger girls, leaving old women alone and seeking companionship. so obviously the immediate response of the middle-aged single woman is not to a. get a cat, b. get many cats, but in fact is c. get pussy. um, FALSE hasselbeck. as joy behar correctly pointed out, being gay isn't just hand-holding through the daffodils and fun trips to the farmer's market. it's like, having sex and being attracted to someone of the same gender. i strongly doubt that a significant portion of single older women just decide one day that going down on another woman more than once and outside of a drunken college night is a fair trade for some companionship. also, i feel as though her claim is not only wrong, it's also dually offensive to both actual late-in-life lesbians, who struggled with their sexuality for a while before eventually coming out. it's also offensive to older single women who aren't gay and just want some friends. also, is it really a NEW fad that older men go for younger women? younger women have always had perkier boobs and more time for frivolous sex. so not sure we can attribute the spike in late in life lezzies to some newfangled notion that men like a woman with a tight bod. maybe, just maaaybe, elisabeth hasselbeck, it's because, despite your best efforts to stifle the gay community, some women are realizing they've been socially repressed and are now fighting back as the gay community is (rightly) becoming more accepted by the rest of this dumb country. so, elisabeth. just.shut.up. because your opinions suck. and that just be my opinion, but it's also verifiable.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
a wee pre-preface: i'm slightly drunk. $3 cocktails -- come ON.
an actual preface to the main meat of this post: i am a HUGE fan of MTV-style reality television. but one show in particular has my heart. i still remember when i was fourteen years old and Laguna Beach: The Real OC debuted. Instant gold. And i've been a faithful fan of my girl LC ever since. I fucking LOVE Lauren Conrad, with her trendy braided hairstyles and her heartbreaking decision to choose Jason over Paris (which, ugh, I could never support). Honestly, it's a sad truth of my life that if Lauren and Brody don't end up happily together, I'm going to be so much more depressed than any human has a right to be. (okay but also -- how amaaaazing would a "family-style" reality tv-show with lauren & brody and! in-law stepsisters the Kardashians! be?) zANYWAYS, I spent my formative years with LC, we've grown up together for godsakes. I've seen her grow and seen her mature and seen her ditch ass hats like Jason and Heidi. So OBviously when LC made her grown-up move to The Hills, I went right along with her. You mean you didn't see me all those nights at Les Deux?!? And I was a faithful viewer of The Hills, Justin-Bobby and sex tapes and Lo being a huuuge BZ to Audrina (which was really sad for me, because I LOVED Lo on LB), and all those shenanigans. I remember when Audrina was just Heidi's pool-side friend, for godsakes! And that first, fateful episode when Heidi had that horribly hilarious interview...ah, memory lane. In fact, the only season of either LB and/or The Hills that I didn't watch was the last one -- because I hate that whore Kristin Cavallari with a passion that I generally reserve for despicable things such as Twilight and that tea-bagger Sarah Palin. Also, it's hard for me to look at Franken-Heidi these days, and I couldn't deal when the show started to veer towards a Spencer/Heidi horror-spectacular.
I mean, how doesn't hate Spencer? Hating Spencer Pratt is as all-American as hating France and vegetarians. Guy's a fucking ass hat. Like, my personal vision of hell is being trapped in an enclosed space with a bald eagle and Spencer Pratt. Not sure which I'd kill first. So, with that lovely thought in mind, the statement I'm about to make is going to sound egregiously bold.
Spencer Pratt is a FUCKING GENIUS.
Honestly, those are the last words I ever thought I'd be saying. Especially since I watched the douche get BAPTIZED by STEPHEN BALDWIN on I'M A CELEBRITY, GET ME OUT OF HERE!" But here's the deal -- dude's got an action plan, and it is working. In a people.com article (in fact, the most read article of the week) entitled "I Chose Fame Over Heidi", Spencer's true Urkel emerges. Direct quotes from the article:
"I'm a famewhore and I'll never grow out of it."
"I want every kind of press."
And the thing is -- he's winning! He wants to be famous, and by god, HE IS. Because he says shit like, "I'm an artist now. I have an easel and everything. I'm going for an art show and a gallery." And then, sane humans such as myself (blookay just go with it) HAVE to respond. Because the visual of Spencer Pratt in a beret with a fucking paintbrush in his hand is too much to bear. He wants us to talk about him, and we DO because literally couldn't be further off his rocker. He's totally misogynistic, Republican when it suits him, compares himself to Brad Pitt (and Tom Cruise, but that comparison is totally accurate in my mind since they are both balls to the walls whackadoo), like, how can i NOT talk about this fucking mess?! And therein lies the true genius of Spencer Pratt. He's a ridiculous human, and so sincerely believes in famewhoring and no-bad-press that he says preposterous things and stirs shit up and then, voila, he's the most read story on people.com. It's literally brilliant. The execution is spotless. I'm so weirdly impressed as I simultaneously want to shoot him in the face. And that's exactly what he wants. He wants me to wish to shoot him in the face, because that means I'm talking about him! JESUS I've been fooled by Spencer Pratt. The stupidest human in the world has bested me. What a horrible world we live in.
an actual preface to the main meat of this post: i am a HUGE fan of MTV-style reality television. but one show in particular has my heart. i still remember when i was fourteen years old and Laguna Beach: The Real OC debuted. Instant gold. And i've been a faithful fan of my girl LC ever since. I fucking LOVE Lauren Conrad, with her trendy braided hairstyles and her heartbreaking decision to choose Jason over Paris (which, ugh, I could never support). Honestly, it's a sad truth of my life that if Lauren and Brody don't end up happily together, I'm going to be so much more depressed than any human has a right to be. (okay but also -- how amaaaazing would a "family-style" reality tv-show with lauren & brody and! in-law stepsisters the Kardashians! be?) zANYWAYS, I spent my formative years with LC, we've grown up together for godsakes. I've seen her grow and seen her mature and seen her ditch ass hats like Jason and Heidi. So OBviously when LC made her grown-up move to The Hills, I went right along with her. You mean you didn't see me all those nights at Les Deux?!? And I was a faithful viewer of The Hills, Justin-Bobby and sex tapes and Lo being a huuuge BZ to Audrina (which was really sad for me, because I LOVED Lo on LB), and all those shenanigans. I remember when Audrina was just Heidi's pool-side friend, for godsakes! And that first, fateful episode when Heidi had that horribly hilarious interview...ah, memory lane. In fact, the only season of either LB and/or The Hills that I didn't watch was the last one -- because I hate that whore Kristin Cavallari with a passion that I generally reserve for despicable things such as Twilight and that tea-bagger Sarah Palin. Also, it's hard for me to look at Franken-Heidi these days, and I couldn't deal when the show started to veer towards a Spencer/Heidi horror-spectacular.
I mean, how doesn't hate Spencer? Hating Spencer Pratt is as all-American as hating France and vegetarians. Guy's a fucking ass hat. Like, my personal vision of hell is being trapped in an enclosed space with a bald eagle and Spencer Pratt. Not sure which I'd kill first. So, with that lovely thought in mind, the statement I'm about to make is going to sound egregiously bold.
Spencer Pratt is a FUCKING GENIUS.
Honestly, those are the last words I ever thought I'd be saying. Especially since I watched the douche get BAPTIZED by STEPHEN BALDWIN on I'M A CELEBRITY, GET ME OUT OF HERE!" But here's the deal -- dude's got an action plan, and it is working. In a people.com article (in fact, the most read article of the week) entitled "I Chose Fame Over Heidi", Spencer's true Urkel emerges. Direct quotes from the article:
"I'm a famewhore and I'll never grow out of it."
"I want every kind of press."
And the thing is -- he's winning! He wants to be famous, and by god, HE IS. Because he says shit like, "I'm an artist now. I have an easel and everything. I'm going for an art show and a gallery." And then, sane humans such as myself (blookay just go with it) HAVE to respond. Because the visual of Spencer Pratt in a beret with a fucking paintbrush in his hand is too much to bear. He wants us to talk about him, and we DO because literally couldn't be further off his rocker. He's totally misogynistic, Republican when it suits him, compares himself to Brad Pitt (and Tom Cruise, but that comparison is totally accurate in my mind since they are both balls to the walls whackadoo), like, how can i NOT talk about this fucking mess?! And therein lies the true genius of Spencer Pratt. He's a ridiculous human, and so sincerely believes in famewhoring and no-bad-press that he says preposterous things and stirs shit up and then, voila, he's the most read story on people.com. It's literally brilliant. The execution is spotless. I'm so weirdly impressed as I simultaneously want to shoot him in the face. And that's exactly what he wants. He wants me to wish to shoot him in the face, because that means I'm talking about him! JESUS I've been fooled by Spencer Pratt. The stupidest human in the world has bested me. What a horrible world we live in.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
a biography of sorts...
my dear friend Meg over at 2birds1blog.com (highly encourage you to visit; she's funny as shit and though we've never met i know we'd be besties) recently wrote a post about online dating and the little 'bios' they encourage you to fill out so that they can match you with your Soul Mate (capital S, capital M). Like, do you put your real interests down? If so, are you doomed to be single? Judging by the list of interests I've come up with, I am in fact doomed to remain single forEVER because it appears as though I'm not a real human. So, in the spirit of total honesty and complete copying of the lovely Meg, my very real (and very absurd) list of interests that will garner me a life of solitude.
- stalking celebrities for hours on end via twitter and growing waaay too excited when i realize that some of my favorites are friends in real life
- sharpies
- hand-washing dishes
- dressing my imaginary children on crewcuts.com
- simultaneously spewing hate at Twilight while memorializing true blood in the most reverent way possible, a drinking game (drink every time bill swoops in and says in his deep breathy voice, "soookay!"
- relating every event that happens to me or anyone i know in real life to an episode of a television show
- any and all cheese product (or, full disclosure: cheese flavored product)
- harry potter. like, more than any other person on earth
- fictional epic love stories (ross & rachel, mr. darcy & elizabeth)
- north east portland
- the constitution
- planning ways to move to london, stalk either/both ron weasley and prince harry, and convince either/both to marry me
- watching the sound of music and reciting every single line of the entire movie
- pool talk.
- trivia nights and miller high life
- miller high life
- skeletons and bones. also, the show Bones for the extreme unresolved sexual tension and david boreanaz
- planning outfits that revolve around the color green
- getting high and consuming 2 $5 footlongs at once
- binge drinking
- anything that ever airs on TLC, with particular attention paid to Toddlers and Tiaras and I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant
- talking intelligently about things like mastitis and nap schedules with actual moms (which i am not) who have actual children (which, praise jesus, i do not)
- spencer reid of criminal minds/matthew gray gubler of the human population AKA FUTURE HUSBAND
- cat stevens
- classic TGIF programming, in the veins of Boy Meets World and Step by Step
- guacamole, on everything
- the duggars
- puns
- reading aloud to myself with voices in my hammock
- babies
- reveling in the intracacies of one tree hill plot lines
- hating the lakers with every fiber of my being
- watching and commentator-ing professional gymnastics
- the art of tailgating
- baking delicious things but only sharing them with myself
- amelia earhart and theories on her disappearance
- waiting for my letter from Hogwarts
- diagnosing myself with various terminal illnesses with the help of webmd
- subsequently planning my funeral menu
- rage-dancing around my room to My Life Would Suck Without You
- Sandra Bullock, Busy Philipps, Paget Brewster, Sophia Bush, and Tina Fey
- watching Bridget Jones' Diary over and over to get my ideal British accent just right
- Wii bowling
- making playlists with titles such as "probably heard on the WB" and "i wanna dance with someBODY, wanna feel the heat..."
- building forts out of blankets and couch cushions
- corrupting the youth of america and teaching my 8 year old neighbors how to play root beer pong
- consuming exorbitant amounts of otter pops in a single sitting
- futbol
- dreaming about my future book store/bakery which shall henceforth known as .noveltea.
- ...looking at wedding dresses online
- imdb trivia'ing every single movie or television show i watch
- painting my toenails black no matter the season
- incorporating animal print into my wardrobe with excess
- the confederacy
- recreating 90s high-school party movies
- making lists.
my dear friend Meg over at 2birds1blog.com (highly encourage you to visit; she's funny as shit and though we've never met i know we'd be besties) recently wrote a post about online dating and the little 'bios' they encourage you to fill out so that they can match you with your Soul Mate (capital S, capital M). Like, do you put your real interests down? If so, are you doomed to be single? Judging by the list of interests I've come up with, I am in fact doomed to remain single forEVER because it appears as though I'm not a real human. So, in the spirit of total honesty and complete copying of the lovely Meg, my very real (and very absurd) list of interests that will garner me a life of solitude.
- stalking celebrities for hours on end via twitter and growing waaay too excited when i realize that some of my favorites are friends in real life
- sharpies
- hand-washing dishes
- dressing my imaginary children on crewcuts.com
- simultaneously spewing hate at Twilight while memorializing true blood in the most reverent way possible, a drinking game (drink every time bill swoops in and says in his deep breathy voice, "soookay!"
- relating every event that happens to me or anyone i know in real life to an episode of a television show
- any and all cheese product (or, full disclosure: cheese flavored product)
- harry potter. like, more than any other person on earth
- fictional epic love stories (ross & rachel, mr. darcy & elizabeth)
- north east portland
- the constitution
- planning ways to move to london, stalk either/both ron weasley and prince harry, and convince either/both to marry me
- watching the sound of music and reciting every single line of the entire movie
- pool talk.
- trivia nights and miller high life
- miller high life
- skeletons and bones. also, the show Bones for the extreme unresolved sexual tension and david boreanaz
- planning outfits that revolve around the color green
- getting high and consuming 2 $5 footlongs at once
- binge drinking
- anything that ever airs on TLC, with particular attention paid to Toddlers and Tiaras and I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant
- talking intelligently about things like mastitis and nap schedules with actual moms (which i am not) who have actual children (which, praise jesus, i do not)
- spencer reid of criminal minds/matthew gray gubler of the human population AKA FUTURE HUSBAND
- cat stevens
- classic TGIF programming, in the veins of Boy Meets World and Step by Step
- guacamole, on everything
- the duggars
- puns
- reading aloud to myself with voices in my hammock
- babies
- reveling in the intracacies of one tree hill plot lines
- hating the lakers with every fiber of my being
- watching and commentator-ing professional gymnastics
- the art of tailgating
- baking delicious things but only sharing them with myself
- amelia earhart and theories on her disappearance
- waiting for my letter from Hogwarts
- diagnosing myself with various terminal illnesses with the help of webmd
- subsequently planning my funeral menu
- rage-dancing around my room to My Life Would Suck Without You
- Sandra Bullock, Busy Philipps, Paget Brewster, Sophia Bush, and Tina Fey
- watching Bridget Jones' Diary over and over to get my ideal British accent just right
- Wii bowling
- making playlists with titles such as "probably heard on the WB" and "i wanna dance with someBODY, wanna feel the heat..."
- building forts out of blankets and couch cushions
- corrupting the youth of america and teaching my 8 year old neighbors how to play root beer pong
- consuming exorbitant amounts of otter pops in a single sitting
- futbol
- dreaming about my future book store/bakery which shall henceforth known as .noveltea.
- ...looking at wedding dresses online
- imdb trivia'ing every single movie or television show i watch
- painting my toenails black no matter the season
- incorporating animal print into my wardrobe with excess
- the confederacy
- recreating 90s high-school party movies
- making lists.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Emmy Redux Part II (COMEDY)
Outstanding Comedy Series --
i. Glee -- yep, I'm a Gleek. All I ever want in life is more singing and dancing, and always more power ballads, so obviously this show is right up my alley. Plus, the actress who plays Brittany has THE.FUNNIEST.LINES on television.
ii. Modern Family -- okay. I think Modern Family is funny, but I don't happen to think it's the second coming of Arrested Development as so many people seem to (hello, that was obviously Better Off Ted). It is funny, and I think the casting is spot-on, so I'll allow it.
iii. Curb Your Enthusiasm -- over.it. Funny, uncouth, yeah yeah yeah. The same schtick is really getting old, to be honest. It's just too expected and therefore loses a lot of it's charm.
iv. Nurse Jackie -- ugh, I'm against this show on principle mainly because my mom (who has notoriously poor taste in television -- I'm talking The Shield bad) loves the shit out of this show. I do like Edie Falco though, and I like the premise, but I don't know if I can actually watch it or want it to win an Emmy.
v. 30 Rock -- well, yes of course. My life hero is Tina Fey, so obviously I'm all about this one. It is also one of the wittiest, smart-funny show ever. It's sly topicality and self-deprecating humor are things I can really get onboard with, and the cast is stellar. Even on an off episode, it's still the perfect show.
vi. The Office -- I'm so heartbroken about this, but I have to say no. I looooved The Office for the first three seasons. Jim & Pam = best romantic tension evah. But then, it started a slow slide into just sheer annoying. They focused in too narrowly on certain characters and forgot the utter genius of Creed and Meredith. It's just not very funny any more, and it kills me to say that. But I must.
If I were Emmy-God, I'd: get rid of Curb Your Enthusiasm, and insert Better Off Ted, the cancellation of which I may never get over (much in the vein of Freaks & Geeks). I would also, with great sadness, switch The Office's spot with Parks and Recreation, which has the same zest and zaniness that the Office used to hold so dear. And I'd love to see 30 Rock win again, but I think it'll go to Glee, with a possible Modern Family upset.
Outstanding Actress in a Comedy Series --
i. Lea Michele (Glee) -- yeah, alright. she's not my personal favorite character on the show, but her voice is unbeatable and she does deliver some great lines. her character is so pathetically endearing, and even as you want to murder rachel berry, you still want her to win sectionals. so good work, lea.
ii. Tina Fey (30 Rock) -- YES. all i have to say is: Tina Fey talking to herself in the mirror during the Deal Breakers episode of this show? Best.thing.ever.
iii. Toni Collette (The United States of Tara) -- yes. playing multiple (absurd) persons and making them not only believable but also hilarious must not be easy, but Toni Collette makes it look so simple. Perfect.
iv. Julia Louis-Dreyfus (The New Adventures of Old Christine) -- I can't quite understand a. how this show lasted so long, b. how she already actually won an Emmy for it, and c. why critics seem to like it. It's sooo traditional and relies on the same old same old sitcom stuff. No thanks.
v. Edie Falco (Nurse Jackie) -- she's a great actress, sure, but my aforementioned reasons for picketing this show mean I've never seen her in it. So, I guess I'll trust you, Emmy voters. Although with your track record, that might be risky.
vi. Amy Poehler (Parks & Recreation) -- yep, I'm good with this one. Both Amy and her character, Leslie, are just so damn sweet and lovable, while being total goofballs. We all have a little Leslie Knope in us, and Amy Poehler plays it perfectly - not overdone like Steve Carell's Michael Scott has veered towards, but just right.
If I were Emmy-God, I'd: get Jane Lynch the hell out of the Supporting Actress bs, boot Julia Louis-Dreyfus out of this list, insert JL, who is the funniest person on television. All in all, I'm okay with this list, though. And while I wouldn't be surprised to see Leo Michele or Toni Collette walk away with it, I'm still rooting for my girl TIna.
Outstanding Actor in a Comedy Series --
i. Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm) -- nope. same old same old. just sick of it. you're vulgar and you swear a lot enthusiastically and i think both of those things are hilarious, but i'm over it coming from you.
ii. Alec Baldwin (30 Rock) -- spot on. YES. Alec Baldwin might be an ass in real life, but he is Jack Donaghy. There's a reason he's won this so many times -- because he simply excels at this character, if not as a human being.
iii. Matthew Morrison (Glee) -- No. NO NO NO. I cannot STAND this character. He is sooo pedantic and uncomfortable (especially whilst rapping) and he talks to his love interest Emma in a really weird, condescending, rape-y way. HATE him. Can't even believe he is include on here. Travesty.
iv. Steve Carell (The Office) -- you know, he's good as Michael Scott. He gets us to laugh and he gets us to care about him, but like I said before - the glory days of The Office have since passed. I'm so so on this one.
v. Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory) -- yep, good call Emmy voters. He plays an asperger-y type genius so absolutely perfectly. You can't help but love the character, even as he makes you cringe repeatedly. Awesome acting.
vi. Tony Shalhoub (Monk) -- I thought this show ended like three years ago. Apparently not. Eh, I guess he's alright. Whatever.
If I were Emmy-God, I'd: never have allowed Matthew Morrison to have been nominated. Egregious error. I would fill in his rightly-vacated seat with Zachary Levi of Chuck, who I have the biggest soft spot for. He's just an ordinary guy trying to be extraordinary, and his struggles are so sweet and he tries so hard. Wonderful character. I'm not really enchanted with most of these nominees, but am hard pressed to find better ones. Sidenote: the fact that Charlie Sheen wasn't nominated for Two and a Half Men is the absolute best news I've heard since Obama was elected. I'm going to go with perennial favorite Alec Baldwin for the cake, but with Jim Parsons providing stiff competition (and a slim chance for an upset).
Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series --
i. Jane Lynch (Glee) -- the winner. My personal belief is that she could have gone for Lead, but either way -- Sue Sylvester is the funniest woman on television. Every quip out of her mouth is a comedic gem. She just makes me happy.
ii. Kristen Wiig (Saturday Night Live) -- she's overused. I don't hate this nomination, but I can't fully support it either. Her characters are usually funny, but she's best when not used in every single skit. She's funny, but sometimes the humor gets old real fast, and it feels so overused it's not funny.
iii. Jane Krakowski (30 Rock) -- YES. she's nominated frequently, but I am so sad that she's never won. I think she is absolutely hysterical as Jenna. She is so believable as the most ridiculous human on earth, and she delivers even the most insane of lines spot-on.
iv. Julie Bowen (Modern Family) -- yep. Loved her since Ed. She's perfect in this role because as often as you can see her as the realistic straight man, you can also see her as the perfect match for her husband and the perfect ice skating partner for her brother.
v. Sofia Vergara (Modern Family) -- eh, okay. I don't think she's particularly hilarious on the show, but she is enjoyable to watch. I mean, she's funny but if she weren't there, I don't think the show would really take the biggest of a hit.
vi. Holland Taylor (Two and A Half Men) -- NO. and I'm not even considering her acting abilities, whatever they may be; I'm merely basing this on the fact that Two and A Half Men is the absolute worst most overrated drivel of a show that has ever been created. I'm actually pained by the fact that most Americans (ugh, as a country we are really NOT the brightest) watch AND LIKE this shit.
If I were Emmy-God, I'd: treat Two and A Half Men like Charlie Sheen did Brooke Mueller, and Holland Taylor would be an unfortunate casualty. I'd flip a coin between Kristin Wiig and Sofia Vergara, and one of them would have to go. Busy Philipps would absolutely get a spot for Cougar Town, because her dumb blonde Laurie is so sweetly clueless and trashy. She's a total scene stealer, and deserves a nom. Futhermore, I'd get Portia de Rossi in there for Better Off Ted, because she was epic and it is a tragedy that we don't get more of Veronica's often unintentional humor. While I'd love to see Jane Krakowski finally recognized for lines such as "do you need a sex tape release? Because I've got a weird one. It's night vision and you can see that his buddy is robbing me!", we all know it's Jane Lynch going home with that Emmy.
Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series --
i. Chris Colfer (Glee) -- yeah, good deal. Although I like him a lot more when he's not crying again about how his dad doesn't love him. HELLO, Mike O'Malley tells you every episode that he loves you! Too overdone, that storyline. However, I'm so pleased to see such a heartfelt portrayal recognized.
ii. Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Mother) -- yeah, solid. His Barney is a total ass most of the time, but we love him anyway. He walks the line between too far and not far enough so well it's as if he was born to do it. Excellent work.
iii. Jesse Tyler Ferguson (Modern Family) -- yeah, sure. I don't have excessively strong feelings one way or the other on this one, but I do find his character enjoyable, so I'll give it to ya. The character and I share the same fear of birds, so we stand together.
iv. Jon Cryer (Two and a Half Men) -- NO. For reasons stated above, absolutely not. no and never. although, it's better than a nom for Charlie Sheen. But still, despicable.
v. Eric Stonestreet (Modern Family) -- yes. He's my favorite character on this show. I think he is absolutely hilarious in every scene (as he steals it, high-o!) Perfect job. He's so sincere and his comedic timing is infallible.
vi. Ty Burrell (Modern Family) -- yeah, he is pretty great. Has a lot of heart. Is so doofy but you have to love it, and him. He's probably my second fave character, and he does a great job of delivering hilarious lines completely straight faced.
If I were Emmy-God, I'd: have canceled Two and A Half Men the day it aired, and therefore Jon Cryer's ill-deserved spot would go to 30 Rock's Jack MacBrayer, because Kenneth is so absurd as a human that you can't help but love the portrayal. Love it. I think this category is really even all around (minus Jon Cryer duh), but I'm going to go with a split between Eric Stonestreet and Ty Burrell for the win.
Outstanding Comedy Series --
i. Glee -- yep, I'm a Gleek. All I ever want in life is more singing and dancing, and always more power ballads, so obviously this show is right up my alley. Plus, the actress who plays Brittany has THE.FUNNIEST.LINES on television.
ii. Modern Family -- okay. I think Modern Family is funny, but I don't happen to think it's the second coming of Arrested Development as so many people seem to (hello, that was obviously Better Off Ted). It is funny, and I think the casting is spot-on, so I'll allow it.
iii. Curb Your Enthusiasm -- over.it. Funny, uncouth, yeah yeah yeah. The same schtick is really getting old, to be honest. It's just too expected and therefore loses a lot of it's charm.
iv. Nurse Jackie -- ugh, I'm against this show on principle mainly because my mom (who has notoriously poor taste in television -- I'm talking The Shield bad) loves the shit out of this show. I do like Edie Falco though, and I like the premise, but I don't know if I can actually watch it or want it to win an Emmy.
v. 30 Rock -- well, yes of course. My life hero is Tina Fey, so obviously I'm all about this one. It is also one of the wittiest, smart-funny show ever. It's sly topicality and self-deprecating humor are things I can really get onboard with, and the cast is stellar. Even on an off episode, it's still the perfect show.
vi. The Office -- I'm so heartbroken about this, but I have to say no. I looooved The Office for the first three seasons. Jim & Pam = best romantic tension evah. But then, it started a slow slide into just sheer annoying. They focused in too narrowly on certain characters and forgot the utter genius of Creed and Meredith. It's just not very funny any more, and it kills me to say that. But I must.
If I were Emmy-God, I'd: get rid of Curb Your Enthusiasm, and insert Better Off Ted, the cancellation of which I may never get over (much in the vein of Freaks & Geeks). I would also, with great sadness, switch The Office's spot with Parks and Recreation, which has the same zest and zaniness that the Office used to hold so dear. And I'd love to see 30 Rock win again, but I think it'll go to Glee, with a possible Modern Family upset.
Outstanding Actress in a Comedy Series --
i. Lea Michele (Glee) -- yeah, alright. she's not my personal favorite character on the show, but her voice is unbeatable and she does deliver some great lines. her character is so pathetically endearing, and even as you want to murder rachel berry, you still want her to win sectionals. so good work, lea.
ii. Tina Fey (30 Rock) -- YES. all i have to say is: Tina Fey talking to herself in the mirror during the Deal Breakers episode of this show? Best.thing.ever.
iii. Toni Collette (The United States of Tara) -- yes. playing multiple (absurd) persons and making them not only believable but also hilarious must not be easy, but Toni Collette makes it look so simple. Perfect.
iv. Julia Louis-Dreyfus (The New Adventures of Old Christine) -- I can't quite understand a. how this show lasted so long, b. how she already actually won an Emmy for it, and c. why critics seem to like it. It's sooo traditional and relies on the same old same old sitcom stuff. No thanks.
v. Edie Falco (Nurse Jackie) -- she's a great actress, sure, but my aforementioned reasons for picketing this show mean I've never seen her in it. So, I guess I'll trust you, Emmy voters. Although with your track record, that might be risky.
vi. Amy Poehler (Parks & Recreation) -- yep, I'm good with this one. Both Amy and her character, Leslie, are just so damn sweet and lovable, while being total goofballs. We all have a little Leslie Knope in us, and Amy Poehler plays it perfectly - not overdone like Steve Carell's Michael Scott has veered towards, but just right.
If I were Emmy-God, I'd: get Jane Lynch the hell out of the Supporting Actress bs, boot Julia Louis-Dreyfus out of this list, insert JL, who is the funniest person on television. All in all, I'm okay with this list, though. And while I wouldn't be surprised to see Leo Michele or Toni Collette walk away with it, I'm still rooting for my girl TIna.
Outstanding Actor in a Comedy Series --
i. Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm) -- nope. same old same old. just sick of it. you're vulgar and you swear a lot enthusiastically and i think both of those things are hilarious, but i'm over it coming from you.
ii. Alec Baldwin (30 Rock) -- spot on. YES. Alec Baldwin might be an ass in real life, but he is Jack Donaghy. There's a reason he's won this so many times -- because he simply excels at this character, if not as a human being.
iii. Matthew Morrison (Glee) -- No. NO NO NO. I cannot STAND this character. He is sooo pedantic and uncomfortable (especially whilst rapping) and he talks to his love interest Emma in a really weird, condescending, rape-y way. HATE him. Can't even believe he is include on here. Travesty.
iv. Steve Carell (The Office) -- you know, he's good as Michael Scott. He gets us to laugh and he gets us to care about him, but like I said before - the glory days of The Office have since passed. I'm so so on this one.
v. Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory) -- yep, good call Emmy voters. He plays an asperger-y type genius so absolutely perfectly. You can't help but love the character, even as he makes you cringe repeatedly. Awesome acting.
vi. Tony Shalhoub (Monk) -- I thought this show ended like three years ago. Apparently not. Eh, I guess he's alright. Whatever.
If I were Emmy-God, I'd: never have allowed Matthew Morrison to have been nominated. Egregious error. I would fill in his rightly-vacated seat with Zachary Levi of Chuck, who I have the biggest soft spot for. He's just an ordinary guy trying to be extraordinary, and his struggles are so sweet and he tries so hard. Wonderful character. I'm not really enchanted with most of these nominees, but am hard pressed to find better ones. Sidenote: the fact that Charlie Sheen wasn't nominated for Two and a Half Men is the absolute best news I've heard since Obama was elected. I'm going to go with perennial favorite Alec Baldwin for the cake, but with Jim Parsons providing stiff competition (and a slim chance for an upset).
Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series --
i. Jane Lynch (Glee) -- the winner. My personal belief is that she could have gone for Lead, but either way -- Sue Sylvester is the funniest woman on television. Every quip out of her mouth is a comedic gem. She just makes me happy.
ii. Kristen Wiig (Saturday Night Live) -- she's overused. I don't hate this nomination, but I can't fully support it either. Her characters are usually funny, but she's best when not used in every single skit. She's funny, but sometimes the humor gets old real fast, and it feels so overused it's not funny.
iii. Jane Krakowski (30 Rock) -- YES. she's nominated frequently, but I am so sad that she's never won. I think she is absolutely hysterical as Jenna. She is so believable as the most ridiculous human on earth, and she delivers even the most insane of lines spot-on.
iv. Julie Bowen (Modern Family) -- yep. Loved her since Ed. She's perfect in this role because as often as you can see her as the realistic straight man, you can also see her as the perfect match for her husband and the perfect ice skating partner for her brother.
v. Sofia Vergara (Modern Family) -- eh, okay. I don't think she's particularly hilarious on the show, but she is enjoyable to watch. I mean, she's funny but if she weren't there, I don't think the show would really take the biggest of a hit.
vi. Holland Taylor (Two and A Half Men) -- NO. and I'm not even considering her acting abilities, whatever they may be; I'm merely basing this on the fact that Two and A Half Men is the absolute worst most overrated drivel of a show that has ever been created. I'm actually pained by the fact that most Americans (ugh, as a country we are really NOT the brightest) watch AND LIKE this shit.
If I were Emmy-God, I'd: treat Two and A Half Men like Charlie Sheen did Brooke Mueller, and Holland Taylor would be an unfortunate casualty. I'd flip a coin between Kristin Wiig and Sofia Vergara, and one of them would have to go. Busy Philipps would absolutely get a spot for Cougar Town, because her dumb blonde Laurie is so sweetly clueless and trashy. She's a total scene stealer, and deserves a nom. Futhermore, I'd get Portia de Rossi in there for Better Off Ted, because she was epic and it is a tragedy that we don't get more of Veronica's often unintentional humor. While I'd love to see Jane Krakowski finally recognized for lines such as "do you need a sex tape release? Because I've got a weird one. It's night vision and you can see that his buddy is robbing me!", we all know it's Jane Lynch going home with that Emmy.
Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series --
i. Chris Colfer (Glee) -- yeah, good deal. Although I like him a lot more when he's not crying again about how his dad doesn't love him. HELLO, Mike O'Malley tells you every episode that he loves you! Too overdone, that storyline. However, I'm so pleased to see such a heartfelt portrayal recognized.
ii. Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Mother) -- yeah, solid. His Barney is a total ass most of the time, but we love him anyway. He walks the line between too far and not far enough so well it's as if he was born to do it. Excellent work.
iii. Jesse Tyler Ferguson (Modern Family) -- yeah, sure. I don't have excessively strong feelings one way or the other on this one, but I do find his character enjoyable, so I'll give it to ya. The character and I share the same fear of birds, so we stand together.
iv. Jon Cryer (Two and a Half Men) -- NO. For reasons stated above, absolutely not. no and never. although, it's better than a nom for Charlie Sheen. But still, despicable.
v. Eric Stonestreet (Modern Family) -- yes. He's my favorite character on this show. I think he is absolutely hilarious in every scene (as he steals it, high-o!) Perfect job. He's so sincere and his comedic timing is infallible.
vi. Ty Burrell (Modern Family) -- yeah, he is pretty great. Has a lot of heart. Is so doofy but you have to love it, and him. He's probably my second fave character, and he does a great job of delivering hilarious lines completely straight faced.
If I were Emmy-God, I'd: have canceled Two and A Half Men the day it aired, and therefore Jon Cryer's ill-deserved spot would go to 30 Rock's Jack MacBrayer, because Kenneth is so absurd as a human that you can't help but love the portrayal. Love it. I think this category is really even all around (minus Jon Cryer duh), but I'm going to go with a split between Eric Stonestreet and Ty Burrell for the win.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
a post without mention of stalking celebrities or ranting about something inconsequential? yep.
Emmy Redux, Part I (DRAMA)
Outstanding Drama Series --
i. LOST -- yes. wholehearted agreement. never before has a show made you so frustrated with it's great mysteries and never ending twists. love it. this season was so heartbreaking and so fulfilling, it certainly deserves the big E.
ii. Breaking Bad -- don't watch it, but people seem to like it. My dad loves it, and he's a pretty good judge of character. Although i have caught him watching Dancing with the Stars before, and that's unforgivable.
iii. Dexter -- i know i'm in the minority, but i don't looove this show the way others do. however, the twist in last season's finale was pretty epic, and all kinds of mind-fuckery. i'll allow it.
iv. mad men -- i'm over this one. the costume and set design is exquisite, but there's just not enough juice for me. i'm just bored by it all. each episode ends, and i'm left to wonder "what happened?" and not in the same "WHAT THE F JUST HAPPENED?!" way lost makes me feel.
v. true blood -- YES. sexy vampires. southern gothic-ness. many analogies to the struggle for gay/lesbian rights, which is a great message. all in all, the most bloody and crazy fun show on air.
vi. the good wife -- yes again. exceptional acting. and riveting drama without having to resort to things like bringing back dead people to have sex so someone can realize they have brain cancer. i'm looking at you, Grey's.
If I were Emmy-God, I'd: Get rid of Mad Men. Replace it with the most underrated but most infallible show on television; Friday Night Lights. Such a perfect cast that produces such heartfelt episodes. Love it. I may also take out Dexter and replace it with Fringe, which unfortunately is "too" sci-fi to get recognized by the straight-laced Emmys. And I'll go with LOST for the win.
Outstanding Actress in a Drama Series --
i. Juliana Margulies (The Good Wife) -- yep. deserves the nomination. I was never really into her on ER (or into ER for that matter), but I am loving her on this show. She's quick witted, which is so admirable.
ii. Mariska Hargitay (SVU) -- well, okay. I'm ambivalent. i love me those law and order svu marathons on TNT every once in a while, but I think L&O has overstayed its welcome, and I'm just over the expectedness of her nomination.
iii. Glenn Close (Damages) -- yes. Damages has really grown into a great show, and Glenn is spectacular as always. Even if my sister still thinks she's Meryl Streep.
iv. Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer) -- yeah, okay. I'm not super enthused, but you know, she does good work. she's always fun to watch as she solves murders, so I'll give it to ya, Emmy voters.
v. January Jones (Mad Men) -- ugh, no. I really want to like her, but I just find her duuuull. And her character is just annoying, even if she is a product of her time. I just don't find her sympathetic. She's too one-dimensional, and I don't like that dimension.
vi. Connie Britton (Friday Night Lights) -- YES. It is a travesty that she hasn't been nominated and WINNING every year FNL has been on. She is FANTASTIC. Her acting is so natural, so understated, and so powerful that you forget she is not actually Coach Taylor's wife. She is one hundred and ten percent believable and honestly, there should be like a parade in her honor. She's spectacular.
If I were Emmy-God, I'd: whip January Jones outta there, and give the spot to my girl Lauren Graham. Maybe I'm biased because I love LG, but she (and Mae Whitman) are the best things about Parenthood, which is really coming into it's own. And I'll weep if it's not Connie Britton with the Emmy.
Outstanding Actor in a Drama Series --
i. Jon Hamm (Mad Men) -- yeah, better him than January Jones. Not psyched, but whatever. He's at least interesting to watch.
ii. Kyle Chandler (Friday Night Lights) -- YES. not quite as emphatic a yes as Connie Britton, but Kyle Chandler is perfect as Coach Taylor. His portrayal is so sincere and so gut-wrenching that I often have to take breathing breaks during the show.
iii. Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad) -- three peat? I'm against those on principle, but I guess you can't fault him for doing good work.
iv. Hugh Laurie (House) -- yes. the season premiere and the season finale were two of my favorite hours of television this season. I'm all for this nom -- Hugh Laurie makes House into such a meanie, but you can't help but love him too.
Michael C. Hall (Dexter) -- eh, okay. He plays a saintly serial killer well, and that can't be easy. Plus he had to do all that while battling cancer, which I'm sure was not easy by any stretch of the imagination.
Matthew Fox (LOST) - I mean, he did good work. I just don't like him. And I just don't like Jack. I was always a Team Sawyer kind of girl. Matthew Fox's performance in the finale was certainly solid, but does that make up for playing such an annoying character? And can i even fault him for that? eh, i do what i want.
If I were Emmy-God, I'd: re-write LOST so that Josh Holloway was the lead, and then nominate him for the Emmy. He's so much more fun to watch, and his character is a thousand times less irritating than Jack Shepherd's stupid savior complex. Over.It. This one's a toughie for me -- I'm pretty evenly split between Hugh Laurie and Kyle Chandler to take it home.
Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series --
i. Sharon Gless (Burn Notice) -- never seen Burn Notice. Never heard of Sharon Gless. Eh.
ii. Christine Baranski (The Good Wife) -- yeah, she's pretty great. And she was exquisite in Mamma Mia! She's super versatile, and I enjoy her facial expressions.
iii. Christina Hendricks (Mad Men) -- perhaps the only Mad Men nom I agree with. I really like her Joan. It's a sad, nuanced role and she really is great in it. Much more sympathetic and real than her coworker JJ. Plus, she is BOMB.
iv. Rose Byrne (Damages) -- yeah, okay. I really have nothing to say for or against this one.
v. Archie Panjabi (The Good Wife) -- yes. I'm loving all the nominations for the strong female characters on this show. I'm all about Girl Power! And her name is Archie which is fucking awesome.
vi. Elisabeth Moss (Mad Men) -- ugh, I find her so irritating. I just don't like her, and I'm sorry Ms. Moss but I still can't get over the fact that your character never knew she was pregnant even as she exhibited every.single.symptom of pregnancy, ever.
If I were Emmy-God, I'd: take out Sharon Gless (because I don't know who the fuck she is), and put Mae Whitman in her place. She makes her character on Parenthood sooo much more than a stereotypical rebellious teenager. It's her character and her acting that makes me cry every week (yeah...I'm a crier). I'd also get rid of Elisabeth Moss stat and replace her with Sandra Oh. Grey's has really done a great job of slamming itself downhill, but Oh's acting is the show's one saving grace, and she really is the only thing that preserves some of that long-lost integrity Grey's once had. And I'm going to go with one of the Good Wife ladies for the win.
Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series --
i. John Slattery (Mad Men) -- eh, whatever. Mad Men got hella noms, and I just don't care about the show. I'm not particularly invested in any of the characters, which includes John Slattery's.
ii. Aaron Paul (Breaking Bad) -- yeah, pretty solid work. Nothing more to say.
iii. Martin Short (Damages) -- still can't see him as anything other than the ridiculous wedding planner in Father of the Bride. Therefore, cannot take him seriously as an actor or as a human. Hence, not feelin' this nom.
iv. Terry O'Quinn (LOST) -- Yes. He had to play not only his original character, but also his original character in an alternate universe, AND the body of his original character inhabited by a black smoke monster spirit playing an elaborate deadly game. Excellent.
v. Michael Emerson (LOST) -- again, yes. The character I most love to hate. Or hate to love. Also, Michael Emerson is married to the woman who plays Arlene on True Blood, which I just found out and blew my mind.
vi. Andre Braugher (Men of A Certain Age) -- no opinion on this whatsoever. Literally all I know about this show is that Ray Romano is on it, so I don't watch.
If I were Emmy-God, I'd: get Martin Short out of there lickety-split and slam Nelsan Ellis (Lafayette on True Blood) in there. Lafayette is one of the funniest, no bullshit characters on TV, and he is so ridiculous and flamboyant that he is a delight to watch. I'd also take out Andre Braugher (again operating on the fact that I don't know who the hell he is) and put in John Noble of Fringe, who is perfect. And I'm going to go with Terry O'Quinn for the win. And not just because it rhymes.
See ya tomorrow for the Comedy Redux.
Emmy Redux, Part I (DRAMA)
Outstanding Drama Series --
i. LOST -- yes. wholehearted agreement. never before has a show made you so frustrated with it's great mysteries and never ending twists. love it. this season was so heartbreaking and so fulfilling, it certainly deserves the big E.
ii. Breaking Bad -- don't watch it, but people seem to like it. My dad loves it, and he's a pretty good judge of character. Although i have caught him watching Dancing with the Stars before, and that's unforgivable.
iii. Dexter -- i know i'm in the minority, but i don't looove this show the way others do. however, the twist in last season's finale was pretty epic, and all kinds of mind-fuckery. i'll allow it.
iv. mad men -- i'm over this one. the costume and set design is exquisite, but there's just not enough juice for me. i'm just bored by it all. each episode ends, and i'm left to wonder "what happened?" and not in the same "WHAT THE F JUST HAPPENED?!" way lost makes me feel.
v. true blood -- YES. sexy vampires. southern gothic-ness. many analogies to the struggle for gay/lesbian rights, which is a great message. all in all, the most bloody and crazy fun show on air.
vi. the good wife -- yes again. exceptional acting. and riveting drama without having to resort to things like bringing back dead people to have sex so someone can realize they have brain cancer. i'm looking at you, Grey's.
If I were Emmy-God, I'd: Get rid of Mad Men. Replace it with the most underrated but most infallible show on television; Friday Night Lights. Such a perfect cast that produces such heartfelt episodes. Love it. I may also take out Dexter and replace it with Fringe, which unfortunately is "too" sci-fi to get recognized by the straight-laced Emmys. And I'll go with LOST for the win.
Outstanding Actress in a Drama Series --
i. Juliana Margulies (The Good Wife) -- yep. deserves the nomination. I was never really into her on ER (or into ER for that matter), but I am loving her on this show. She's quick witted, which is so admirable.
ii. Mariska Hargitay (SVU) -- well, okay. I'm ambivalent. i love me those law and order svu marathons on TNT every once in a while, but I think L&O has overstayed its welcome, and I'm just over the expectedness of her nomination.
iii. Glenn Close (Damages) -- yes. Damages has really grown into a great show, and Glenn is spectacular as always. Even if my sister still thinks she's Meryl Streep.
iv. Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer) -- yeah, okay. I'm not super enthused, but you know, she does good work. she's always fun to watch as she solves murders, so I'll give it to ya, Emmy voters.
v. January Jones (Mad Men) -- ugh, no. I really want to like her, but I just find her duuuull. And her character is just annoying, even if she is a product of her time. I just don't find her sympathetic. She's too one-dimensional, and I don't like that dimension.
vi. Connie Britton (Friday Night Lights) -- YES. It is a travesty that she hasn't been nominated and WINNING every year FNL has been on. She is FANTASTIC. Her acting is so natural, so understated, and so powerful that you forget she is not actually Coach Taylor's wife. She is one hundred and ten percent believable and honestly, there should be like a parade in her honor. She's spectacular.
If I were Emmy-God, I'd: whip January Jones outta there, and give the spot to my girl Lauren Graham. Maybe I'm biased because I love LG, but she (and Mae Whitman) are the best things about Parenthood, which is really coming into it's own. And I'll weep if it's not Connie Britton with the Emmy.
Outstanding Actor in a Drama Series --
i. Jon Hamm (Mad Men) -- yeah, better him than January Jones. Not psyched, but whatever. He's at least interesting to watch.
ii. Kyle Chandler (Friday Night Lights) -- YES. not quite as emphatic a yes as Connie Britton, but Kyle Chandler is perfect as Coach Taylor. His portrayal is so sincere and so gut-wrenching that I often have to take breathing breaks during the show.
iii. Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad) -- three peat? I'm against those on principle, but I guess you can't fault him for doing good work.
iv. Hugh Laurie (House) -- yes. the season premiere and the season finale were two of my favorite hours of television this season. I'm all for this nom -- Hugh Laurie makes House into such a meanie, but you can't help but love him too.
Michael C. Hall (Dexter) -- eh, okay. He plays a saintly serial killer well, and that can't be easy. Plus he had to do all that while battling cancer, which I'm sure was not easy by any stretch of the imagination.
Matthew Fox (LOST) - I mean, he did good work. I just don't like him. And I just don't like Jack. I was always a Team Sawyer kind of girl. Matthew Fox's performance in the finale was certainly solid, but does that make up for playing such an annoying character? And can i even fault him for that? eh, i do what i want.
If I were Emmy-God, I'd: re-write LOST so that Josh Holloway was the lead, and then nominate him for the Emmy. He's so much more fun to watch, and his character is a thousand times less irritating than Jack Shepherd's stupid savior complex. Over.It. This one's a toughie for me -- I'm pretty evenly split between Hugh Laurie and Kyle Chandler to take it home.
Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series --
i. Sharon Gless (Burn Notice) -- never seen Burn Notice. Never heard of Sharon Gless. Eh.
ii. Christine Baranski (The Good Wife) -- yeah, she's pretty great. And she was exquisite in Mamma Mia! She's super versatile, and I enjoy her facial expressions.
iii. Christina Hendricks (Mad Men) -- perhaps the only Mad Men nom I agree with. I really like her Joan. It's a sad, nuanced role and she really is great in it. Much more sympathetic and real than her coworker JJ. Plus, she is BOMB.
iv. Rose Byrne (Damages) -- yeah, okay. I really have nothing to say for or against this one.
v. Archie Panjabi (The Good Wife) -- yes. I'm loving all the nominations for the strong female characters on this show. I'm all about Girl Power! And her name is Archie which is fucking awesome.
vi. Elisabeth Moss (Mad Men) -- ugh, I find her so irritating. I just don't like her, and I'm sorry Ms. Moss but I still can't get over the fact that your character never knew she was pregnant even as she exhibited every.single.symptom of pregnancy, ever.
If I were Emmy-God, I'd: take out Sharon Gless (because I don't know who the fuck she is), and put Mae Whitman in her place. She makes her character on Parenthood sooo much more than a stereotypical rebellious teenager. It's her character and her acting that makes me cry every week (yeah...I'm a crier). I'd also get rid of Elisabeth Moss stat and replace her with Sandra Oh. Grey's has really done a great job of slamming itself downhill, but Oh's acting is the show's one saving grace, and she really is the only thing that preserves some of that long-lost integrity Grey's once had. And I'm going to go with one of the Good Wife ladies for the win.
Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series --
i. John Slattery (Mad Men) -- eh, whatever. Mad Men got hella noms, and I just don't care about the show. I'm not particularly invested in any of the characters, which includes John Slattery's.
ii. Aaron Paul (Breaking Bad) -- yeah, pretty solid work. Nothing more to say.
iii. Martin Short (Damages) -- still can't see him as anything other than the ridiculous wedding planner in Father of the Bride. Therefore, cannot take him seriously as an actor or as a human. Hence, not feelin' this nom.
iv. Terry O'Quinn (LOST) -- Yes. He had to play not only his original character, but also his original character in an alternate universe, AND the body of his original character inhabited by a black smoke monster spirit playing an elaborate deadly game. Excellent.
v. Michael Emerson (LOST) -- again, yes. The character I most love to hate. Or hate to love. Also, Michael Emerson is married to the woman who plays Arlene on True Blood, which I just found out and blew my mind.
vi. Andre Braugher (Men of A Certain Age) -- no opinion on this whatsoever. Literally all I know about this show is that Ray Romano is on it, so I don't watch.
If I were Emmy-God, I'd: get Martin Short out of there lickety-split and slam Nelsan Ellis (Lafayette on True Blood) in there. Lafayette is one of the funniest, no bullshit characters on TV, and he is so ridiculous and flamboyant that he is a delight to watch. I'd also take out Andre Braugher (again operating on the fact that I don't know who the hell he is) and put in John Noble of Fringe, who is perfect. And I'm going to go with Terry O'Quinn for the win. And not just because it rhymes.
See ya tomorrow for the Comedy Redux.
Monday, July 5, 2010
a few things...
1. twitter. i've been against it for so long, i know. mainly because i'm pretty anti-constant 140 character mundane life updates. like how i block the people on facebook who do this:
5:17pm: going out to dinner with my boyf! where should we goooo?! :) :) :)
5:59pm: decided on chez jose's! margaritas here i comeeeee!
7:30pm: takin the dogs for a walk then snugglin with my cutie ;)
9:00pm: omg iron man is sooooo good!! robert downey jr, yummmyyyy :)
10:45pm: off to bed, class and work tomorrow boooo :( :(
...not an exaggeration. remember when facebook was exclusively for college students? sigh, i do. to the late, great facebook -- i salute you. Zanyways, I've gone off course. my real point is that, despite the enormous self-loathing it generated, I created a twitter account. I hemmed and hawed and spent like four days figuring out what "tweets" and RTs and all this other mumbo jumbo means. i hated it. i seriously contemplated giving up, and let me assure you -- i am quitter. But then, I discovered the best most epic most score-massive-points-with-grace thing: twitter allows one to stalk with ease and precision various celebrities, pretend you're real friends, and engage in even more realistic fantasies. It's a celebrity-obsessed person (HELLO! have you ever met me?!)'s wet dream. Khloe Kardashian and I watched the second season premiere of Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami together. Chelsea Handler went to the beach on vacation, and I went with her. Will Arnett and Jason Bateman made a spoof-commercial, and I was on set! Essentially, twitter is the most legal form of stalking and I am ALL.FOR.IT. Which brings me to my second point...
2. I'm really, absolutely, 100% seriously know that if I met Matthew Gray Gubler in real life, we would immediately be pulled together by cosmic forces, look into each other's eyes, see the future, know we were soul mates, and live happily ever after in a house filled with weird art and adorable gangle-children. I'm certain of it -- there's simply no other alternative. hence, i have a new mission: meet MGG himself so that the aforementioned steps can happen ASAP. now i know what you're thinking: 1. he's too old for you! WRONG! 8 years, schmate years. 2. he's too far away from you! Okay, true...for now. But I am seriously considering moving to LA next May. How hard is a long distance relationship for 10 months?! I mean, really hard, but I'd be dedicated. 3. but he's too famous for you! HA! No one's too famous for me. I'm currently in the first phase of my meet-and-wed plan wherein I stalk his every action on twitter and then piece together a profile. Please don't call the authorities on me. Unless I start talking about cutting off pieces of my hair to send; then you have my full permission to report me.
3. i was invited to my first peer wedding. as in, the bride and groom were in my high school class. so we're all the same age. so, they are 22. TWENTY TWO. and getting married. it's okay if you vomit upon reading that, because i sure did when i received the invitation in the mail. to be fair, they've been together since the 8th grade, but to be cynical (much more in my nature), they've been together since the 8th grade. also, it both terrifies and disgusts me that people my age are getting married as if it's no big thing. let me tell you all a little something -- IT IS A VERY BIG THING. i don't know if i said this yet, but we're TWENTY TWO! shit, i still think i'm seventeen most days. the problem i have with twenty two year olds getting married is that it sets a weird precedent that it's okay and socially acceptable for someone like ME to be getting married now. FALSE, society! i still only do my laundry when i'm down to lacy thongs and granny panties. i still have to scrounge around my couch cushions to come up with the $55 for Plan B (by the way -- this should be another outrage. Plan B is 55 fucking dollars! helloooo if you really want to be effective and prevent pregnancies, you might want to consider your clientele and lower the price a little! (ps i can say that because i am the clientele)). zANYWAYS, my point is -- I'm a child. And I like it that way! I'm not ready for marriage and children for more than an afternoon and boring married sex and picket fences. I don't want that shit! I want as few responsibilities as possible! I want to drink myself to blackout whenever I see fit! So, sorry bout it Jewell and Aaron, but you're about to lose all those privileges. Have fun with your his and hers towel sets.
4. This will be short, otherwise I could very easily rant into oblivion about this topic and how it signals the complete downfall of any sort of a productive and intelligent society. I HATE TWILGIHT. I am so sick of hearing about fucking eclipse. i was sick of it before what I refer to as "The Incident" happened, but since then I am livid, outraged, and thoroughly repulsed. Of, course "The Incident" of which I speak is when Minnesota Senator Amy Klobuchar asked Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan of her Jacob vs. Edward preference. I'M SORRY, SENATOR (a title you should now surely be stripped of!) DID YOU SERIOUSLY ASK ONE OF THE GREATEST LEGAL MINDS OF OUR COUNTRY, DURING HER CONFIRMATION HEARINGS, ABOUT WORTHLESS, WEIRDLY RELIGIOUS FOR A STORY ABOUT VAMPIRES, ANTI-FEMINIST, DRIVEL?! I would have been less insulted had you asked her straight out if she was gay. Given her response, I think she would have too. SHAME ON YOU, AMY KLOBUCHAR. SHAME ON YOU, STEPHANIE WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS! AND SHAME ON THE WORLD FOR THINKING TWILIGHT IS ANYTHING OTHER THAN UTTERLY ABHORRENT WRITING.
...heh, guess i couldn't keep it short. but let me assure you, i could have gone a looooot further in my critique and anger. did i mention i hate twilight?!
1. twitter. i've been against it for so long, i know. mainly because i'm pretty anti-constant 140 character mundane life updates. like how i block the people on facebook who do this:
5:17pm: going out to dinner with my boyf! where should we goooo?! :) :) :)
5:59pm: decided on chez jose's! margaritas here i comeeeee!
7:30pm: takin the dogs for a walk then snugglin with my cutie ;)
9:00pm: omg iron man is sooooo good!! robert downey jr, yummmyyyy :)
10:45pm: off to bed, class and work tomorrow boooo :( :(
...not an exaggeration. remember when facebook was exclusively for college students? sigh, i do. to the late, great facebook -- i salute you. Zanyways, I've gone off course. my real point is that, despite the enormous self-loathing it generated, I created a twitter account. I hemmed and hawed and spent like four days figuring out what "tweets" and RTs and all this other mumbo jumbo means. i hated it. i seriously contemplated giving up, and let me assure you -- i am quitter. But then, I discovered the best most epic most score-massive-points-with-grace thing: twitter allows one to stalk with ease and precision various celebrities, pretend you're real friends, and engage in even more realistic fantasies. It's a celebrity-obsessed person (HELLO! have you ever met me?!)'s wet dream. Khloe Kardashian and I watched the second season premiere of Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami together. Chelsea Handler went to the beach on vacation, and I went with her. Will Arnett and Jason Bateman made a spoof-commercial, and I was on set! Essentially, twitter is the most legal form of stalking and I am ALL.FOR.IT. Which brings me to my second point...
2. I'm really, absolutely, 100% seriously know that if I met Matthew Gray Gubler in real life, we would immediately be pulled together by cosmic forces, look into each other's eyes, see the future, know we were soul mates, and live happily ever after in a house filled with weird art and adorable gangle-children. I'm certain of it -- there's simply no other alternative. hence, i have a new mission: meet MGG himself so that the aforementioned steps can happen ASAP. now i know what you're thinking: 1. he's too old for you! WRONG! 8 years, schmate years. 2. he's too far away from you! Okay, true...for now. But I am seriously considering moving to LA next May. How hard is a long distance relationship for 10 months?! I mean, really hard, but I'd be dedicated. 3. but he's too famous for you! HA! No one's too famous for me. I'm currently in the first phase of my meet-and-wed plan wherein I stalk his every action on twitter and then piece together a profile. Please don't call the authorities on me. Unless I start talking about cutting off pieces of my hair to send; then you have my full permission to report me.
3. i was invited to my first peer wedding. as in, the bride and groom were in my high school class. so we're all the same age. so, they are 22. TWENTY TWO. and getting married. it's okay if you vomit upon reading that, because i sure did when i received the invitation in the mail. to be fair, they've been together since the 8th grade, but to be cynical (much more in my nature), they've been together since the 8th grade. also, it both terrifies and disgusts me that people my age are getting married as if it's no big thing. let me tell you all a little something -- IT IS A VERY BIG THING. i don't know if i said this yet, but we're TWENTY TWO! shit, i still think i'm seventeen most days. the problem i have with twenty two year olds getting married is that it sets a weird precedent that it's okay and socially acceptable for someone like ME to be getting married now. FALSE, society! i still only do my laundry when i'm down to lacy thongs and granny panties. i still have to scrounge around my couch cushions to come up with the $55 for Plan B (by the way -- this should be another outrage. Plan B is 55 fucking dollars! helloooo if you really want to be effective and prevent pregnancies, you might want to consider your clientele and lower the price a little! (ps i can say that because i am the clientele)). zANYWAYS, my point is -- I'm a child. And I like it that way! I'm not ready for marriage and children for more than an afternoon and boring married sex and picket fences. I don't want that shit! I want as few responsibilities as possible! I want to drink myself to blackout whenever I see fit! So, sorry bout it Jewell and Aaron, but you're about to lose all those privileges. Have fun with your his and hers towel sets.
4. This will be short, otherwise I could very easily rant into oblivion about this topic and how it signals the complete downfall of any sort of a productive and intelligent society. I HATE TWILGIHT. I am so sick of hearing about fucking eclipse. i was sick of it before what I refer to as "The Incident" happened, but since then I am livid, outraged, and thoroughly repulsed. Of, course "The Incident" of which I speak is when Minnesota Senator Amy Klobuchar asked Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan of her Jacob vs. Edward preference. I'M SORRY, SENATOR (a title you should now surely be stripped of!) DID YOU SERIOUSLY ASK ONE OF THE GREATEST LEGAL MINDS OF OUR COUNTRY, DURING HER CONFIRMATION HEARINGS, ABOUT WORTHLESS, WEIRDLY RELIGIOUS FOR A STORY ABOUT VAMPIRES, ANTI-FEMINIST, DRIVEL?! I would have been less insulted had you asked her straight out if she was gay. Given her response, I think she would have too. SHAME ON YOU, AMY KLOBUCHAR. SHAME ON YOU, STEPHANIE WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS! AND SHAME ON THE WORLD FOR THINKING TWILIGHT IS ANYTHING OTHER THAN UTTERLY ABHORRENT WRITING.
...heh, guess i couldn't keep it short. but let me assure you, i could have gone a looooot further in my critique and anger. did i mention i hate twilight?!
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