yesterday, I just managed to wrangle both of my charges into bed and had hunkered down with Chairman Mao and my laptop when something on the table caught my eye. I could only see the first three letters of the magazine title, but my mounting excitement was completely spot-on as I pulled out an "American Girl" mag! And not the lame one that just has sleepover ideas and cartoons of tween-aged breast development, no no, the actual magazine with the dolls! And their birthday party attire and their school lunches! Needless to say, there was a narrowly avoided pee-from-extreme-thrill incident. My fingers were trembling as I opened that first page, knowing that Felicity Merriman, redhead, American colonialist and patriot with a loyalist BFF and an overstanted love for horses would be greeting me.



Except, she didn't! Some beezy named Lanie (ugh) who is apparently the "American Girl of Today" was staring back at me with vacant, non-historical eyes. Like, who the fuck is this girl?! She's from the present! I LIVE in the present, I don't need to learn about it! She's not teaching me about WWII or slavery is she? NO. Her only purpose is one big fashion don't.




I wish I could tell you it got better from there. It didn't. It got exponentially worse. Felic, Kiki, Addy, Kit & Molly all got the two page spread, normal from what I can recall. Molly still had the Hardy Boys mystery on her bedside table. But Kaya and Josefina shared a page! What kind of a message is that sending, AG & Co, about minorities and ethnicities and American-ness and power and status? This seems preeetty counter-intuitive from the messages you preach in all those "Care and Keeping" and "Friends!" books I used to hoard like beanie babies.

You may have noticed thus far that there has been no mention of my absolute second favorite American Girl (second only to Molly, but really only because Molly had glasses and so did I), Samantha. WELP, SHE'S GONE. REPLACED! By some Russian Jew named Rebecca Rubin from 1914. WHAT ON EARTH COULD SAMANTHA HAVE DONE TO DESERVE THIS TREASON? She was the ultimate. I mean, come ON! She took us to suffragette rallies with her Aunt Cornelia and her Grand-Mary, and she saved her orphan friends from the perils of turn-of-the-century factory work! She was bad ass! But noooo, let's create some more diversity by bringing this Russian immigrant who is also Jewish into our line of dolls and then RELEGATE HER TO THE SINGLE PAGE WITH THE OTHER MINORITIES.

Honestly, I feel as though the very premise of my love of history has been violated and torn apart in the most brutal fashion. I strongly believe that my history major (and soon to be BA!) is a direct result of hours spent reenacting historical situations with my American Girl dolls and their trusty props and books. I learned about the Revolutionary War and the tea tax from Felicity, Kirsten taught me about the hardships of prairie life aaaand about the cool holiday of St. Lucia; as the only black doll I think Addy's lessons are pretty self-explanatory; Samantha, though more privileged (I'll admit it!) still had her demons -- she was an orphan after all -- and Molly had to grow a victory garden and practice air raid drills. American Girl is essentially re-writing history by excluding Samantha from their line these days. It's as if they are telling young girls, whom they so often encourage to be independent, that women's suffrage didn't exist! I mean, I'm just befuddled as to WHY Samantha and Rebecca can't coexist. Like -- is there some sort of LOST-esque chain of events wherein Samantha's existence disappears when Rebecca's family takes the boat over?! Please explain yourself, AG. By taking our Samantha, you are taking out vital information in the history lessons you unknowingly provide for young girls all across America, and I for one am taking a stand against this gross atrocity.

RIP, Samantha. (And god, could she be any trendier?! So now girls across America are losing valuable fashion advice too. I couldn't be unhappier.)